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"Rocking
You To Sleep In The Sunlight"
A letter from the Mother She Never Knew
The following is an actual
letter which a mother sewed into her baby daughter's skirt hours
before her deportation from the ghetto. It contains immortal messages
about love for all time.
Dear Mirele,
I can't believe I have one night to stuff a lifetime of love
into this letter. Tomorrow morning - if 4 a.m. can be called morning
- I am giving you up. I am taking you, Mirele, to the back entrance
of dear, brave Hermann's grocery, and the child rescuers will be
waiting there for you and the 32 other children under the age of
three. They'll inject you with a sedative so you won't cry and then
they'll slip off in the predawn with you, my life, my love, out
of this horrible country, to safety.
We pushed it off and pushed it off, Mirele. We didn't want
to believe we would have to give up our child, probably never to
see her again. But this is the last child-rescue, because tomorrow,
our informers tell us, is the last big round-up. Tomorrow they come
for the men, women, and children. And I've been convinced by these
words, spoken by our trusted informer, Hermann, the brave gentile
grocer: "Any child they take away either dies immediately or
dies on the way to the death camp." The word death, three times
in one sentence! We are the last ones to be convinced to give up
our child. He said, with the deepest of sadness in every exhausted
wrinkle on his face, "I cannot force you. But if you keep her
with you, she will be dead in a month. They have no use for babies,
she cannot work for them. If you want to give her to us, bring her
to the back entrance of my grocery at 4 a.m. No belongings. Whatever
food you have. Goodbye."
Mirele, do you see why I had to give you up? He said no belongings,
but I will beg. I will plead that this letter be allowed to go,
sewn into your undershirt. And then I will pray to G-d that the
letter stays with you until you are old enough to read it. You must
know that we love you. You must know why you are alone, without
parents. Not because they didn't love you ... but because they did.
It's eerie to think that by the time you read this, I will
probably be dead. That's what Hermann says is going on. People either
die immediately, or on the way, after a week or two of forced labor
and no food. But I won't have lived in vain, Mirele, if I know that
I brought you into the world, and you will live and survive and
grow big and strong and you will be happy. You can be happy, Mirele,
because we loved you.
What makes a difference in the lives
of adults, it seems, is if they had a secure childhood. Secure,
with lots of love and acceptance, and needs fulfilled, and predictable
routines and the like. You've had that up to this minute. You'll
have it up til 4 a.m. But then, you won't. Who knows who will end
up taking care of you? Some family who will take you in for money.
Hermann will pay them. They surely will be kinder to their own than
to you. Here is where pain mixes with rage! I rage at the animals
who are making it possible for you to cry, and I won't be there
for you. But you will have this letter. And this letter will make
you feel secure, if G-d answers my prayer. You have us, Mirele,
even though you can't see us. We're with you, we're watching you
and praying for you. Every time you have troubles, we are pounding
on the door to G-d's very Throne of Glory insisting on an audience,
and demanding mercy for our Mirele, down on earth alone without
her parents. And G-d will listen to us. We won't leave Him alone
until He agrees that you deserve health and love and happiness.
Mirele, you'll wonder what your first two years were like.
You'll wish you could remember. Let me remember for you right now,
tenderly, on this piece of paper. You like hot cereal in the morning,
with lots of milk and sugar. Except that there is no milk and sugar
now, none in the whole city. But I make your cereal anyway, and
you eat it with big smiles between every bite. Then you become ready
for your nap. So I rock you, after putting the rocker right where
the sunlight will fall on it. I rock you until you fall asleep and
then I put you in my bed. You sleep well there, you like my smell.
What will you smell tomorrow night? Surely nobody will rock
you tomorrow morning, not even in the shade. Oh G-d! I cannot do
it! I will do it. For you, Mirele, so you will have at least a hope
for life.
Mirele, do me a favor. After you are grown, after this nightmarish
war is over, I know there will be those who will underplay the tragedies
going on here every day. They will say, "A war is a war. It
was just a war." Tell them how you felt secure in my arms,
rocking you to sleep in the sunlight. Tell them how your father
ran one night a year ago, when you were sick, to get your medicine,
past sentries while breaking the curfew. He risked his life to ease
your pain, Mirele. And now the three of us are being torn apart.
"Just a war"? Tell them, Mirele, that all the wars in
the world don't add up to the agony in my heart right now as I write
this. G-d! It's 2 a.m. already.
Only two more hours with my love, my baby,
my life, my Mirele. I'm going to hold you now for two hours. Your
father and I are going to wake you, feed you, and tell you over
and over how much we love you. You're barely over two years old,
but maybe, if G-d wills it, maybe you'll keep this letter until
you're old enough to read it.
There will be bad times for you, Mirele, I know. But just
think about me holding you, rocking you to sleep in the sunlight.
Keep that sunlight in your heart always. I love you. Your father
loves you. May G-d help us all.
Mama
Dear Readers, Miracles do happen.
My mother's letter stayed with me, sewn into my undershirt, and
now I am getting old myself, and have decided to share it with you.
After almost 50 years of keeping it private, why did I translate
it from the Yiddish and decide to share it with you now? For a few
reasons.
Firstly, one doesn't hear much about the Holocaust these
days. There are even those who say it was made up, not true, a brilliant
Jewish ploy for sympathy. My mother asked me to remind you that
it wasn't "just a war." It was a monstrosity.
Secondly, my mother's faith in G-d even at that dreadful
hour never ceases to amaze me. Even though she seems almost certain
that she will soon die, she believes firmly in G-d, to Whom she
can turn, both before and after her earthly life ends. This strengthened
my own faith, and perhaps it will strengthen yours.
And lastly, I know that I am from a different generation.
Nowadays, I'm told, all mothers work. But sometimes I look out my
window and see little children, just two years old. That's how old
I was when my mother was forced to give me up to strangers. And
I look out my window and see these two-year-olds crying because
they want to stay with their mothers, but their mothers are putting
them on a bus because they want to be free of them... and something
doesn't seem right. You mothers who are lucky enough to have your
babies... raise them, too. Don't throw them out before they're ready.
Go? No. Rock them in the sunlight, for my mother
-Miriam bas Liba
Republished with permission from
The Jewish Press & Reaching Out, A Jewish Educational Bulletin For
Jewish Prisoners published by Lubavitch Youth Organization
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